that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
