I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
