9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
