I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
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Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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