whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
