I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Damn victory sex feels great
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I deserve this hangover.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize