Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
