Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
