Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
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If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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