New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
