so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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