he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
