I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
