I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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