your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize