foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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