So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
