those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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