I can tuck mytits in my pants
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize