Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize