dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
