you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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