Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
