I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
