Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
