Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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