i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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