He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
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woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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