Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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