Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I will pee on everything he values.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
