Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
