i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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