do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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