she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
