if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
