How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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