WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
