He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
