You just made me feel so damn special
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
