3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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