So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
