I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
