How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
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If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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