I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
