OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
