3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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