Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
