I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
