a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
