So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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