Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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