Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
