I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
