I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize