So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
