I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
