My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You're like the curious george of whores
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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