You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
