I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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