So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
