I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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