i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
