First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
