; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
