I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
