yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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